Lacking & loving

Rhodes was amazing. Peaceful time spent with my love, eating, sleeping, healing and recovering from one hectic school year.

I have realised that I haven't written a decent poem/short story in a very long time. In fact, not since I have been in a relationship. Looking back at my past works they are all pretty depressive, there seems to be a strong correlation with unhappiness and my need to write.
That being said, I wouldn't say I was unhappy being single...lonely maybe? I just lacked this incredible contentedness and sense of well being that the last 18 months have given me.

Still, no poems...and for some reason I don't like the idea of writing love poems. It seems so cliched, and I can never convey exactly what I want to say, there are never words significant enough.

I recently read an interview with Simon Pegg in the Guardian, one of the questions was:

What does love feel like?

'Like being a bit sick, in a nice way.'

It's the most accurate description I have read so far.

(photo taken by Ben)

TOHO TOHO DOME

I would seriously give anything to be at Tokyo Dome right now.

Gah!!

*weeps*
You are so beautiful
And you're all mine.
By Monday, anyway...

:(

I feel, how Tare Panda looks...
Glum and squishy.

I had a bad exam.
I watched a bad, bad chinese film.
It's called 'Magic Boy'.
Seriously, NOTHING happens in this film. Don't watch it.

And now I have a Japanese exam...
I wish I was a panda.

Happy place

This post is based on one Han did a while back, a representation of things which make me happy; in picture form:

Strange Meeting

A gust of wind blew the tent flap open, blew rain inside.
'It's going to be bloody wet and bloody cold,' Hilliard said looking down at his groundsheet. They ought to finish their sleep, though he had no idea of the time.
Barton let his arm drop, and moved a pace away. He said, 'I love you, John.'
Hilliard looked at him. 'Yes.' He was amazed at himself. That it was so easy.
'Yes.'

'It's the other which is the real luck- what we have. Thats another matter altogether. Things don't happen like this often in a lifetime.'
'Have you- do you have other friends who- is it the same with anyone else?'
'No.'
Hilliard felt a rush of joy and his mouth was filled up with the words he wanted to say, his head rang with them and he could say nothing.

'You've been here before then?'
'No.' But then he thought that that was not true. he had been here, he had spent hours here with Barton, as they had talked in the apple loft and the tents and dugouts and billets, he could walk down the lane and paths for miles around. He knew it.

Susan Hill- Strange Meeting

By far the best war novel I have read so far. The simplicity of love between Barton and Hilliard is enough to make me choke up just thinking about it. Real human love.
I miss my friends.

Unawareness, Confrontations and Meryl Streep: 'The Country'

I'm not sure whether it's the looming dread of exams which is making me more contemplative than normal, but lately my mind has been nibbling away at a few topics:
1.) Confrontation
I firmly believe there are two types of people in this world, those who are happy to live their lives without much fuss, and those who look for arguments. Now, the latter ones are the ones I have consistently had to eradicate from my life, for eighteen years I have let people in, realised 'Oh dear...they are one of those', and somehow (thankfully) lost them on the way.
These people are what is wrong with our world today, every single dictator in history is, what I like to call a 'Confronter' or 'Negative bastard'.
The only thing worse than a N.B is the person who puts up with their bastarding ways. This may sound a bit strong, I mean, obviously people aren't putting up with Mugabe because they want to...but those people who have a choice, who can step away from the N.Bs but choose not to, for ease of life, they are only helping to breed the hate.
This topic has been running through my mind, as lately I have realised more people than I thought are N.Bs. Not all the time, but there is definately a certain 'confrontational' trait inside them which from time to time springs up and makes them the most unbearable person ever.
I'm sure everybody has there bad days, and has arguments. But lately it has become clear that some are so much worse than others.
Plotting against other people, deliberately finding unnecessary 'faults' in one person, talking behind their backs, not just to friends, but to anyone that will listen.
As a young woman, I know how much women bitch to each other, but sometimes it gets to a point where you step back and realise: 'WOAH. You are an actual negative bastard.'
The problem is that, these people do not mean to be N.Bs, by nature they are not N.Bs. It just springs up from a single problem and becomes horrifying clear to N.B eradicators like myself.
As a general rule, I cannot abide negativity or nasty behaviour which is completely irrational or (honestly) provoked.
When you realise some of your nearest and dearest friends are Negative Bitches (in this case), it's a real smack in the face.
Do I stand back and let them breed this hatred in the hope that it's a one off?
Or do I follow the strict rules of Bastard Eradication and say 'grow up, or shove off?'

An internal dilemma.

2.) Unawareness
In French class today we got discussing about Israel and Palestine and the Taliban rule in Afghanistan. It's these discussions that make me realise how unaware I am.
And it's not just unawareness on the lack of women's rights in Arab countries, society today is unaware about everything that is going on in the world. As our teacher said, not one child in our school really knows about the wars in Sudan, stoning of 'adulterous' women in most Arab countries or even what our country's new budget means.
It was shocking to sit there and realise how ignorant I had been to all of this. How scary to think that adults and children are walking around with their eyes closed to all of the killings, corrupt politics, abuse and terror going on.
Some people say it's pointless watching the news because it's always so depressing. Well, yes. That's the world we live in and we have to accept it.
We have to open our eyes to what's going on, or it will carry on. We have to educate people about these issues, heck, I need to educate myself.

The happy ignorance has officially been broken.

3.)
'Yeah, you know Meryl Streep'
'Oh, the country?'

Not everything about this post is depressive.
Ben, you make me smile everyday.


Let's move to Meryl Streep!