The difference of a clear day

Day one, I looked out of the window...cloud cover, snow storm, not that impressive.

Today I opened the curtains to find...

LES DENTS DU MIDI!!!

How beautiful, right??

HIGH ALTITUDE HOME

So, I made it up the mountain, which will be my home for the next four months.

After a late arrival in the dark, I had dinner with the rest of the team, all of whom seem really chilled. After having made an executive decision to try eating meat, I downed some ham pasta and surprisingly felt okay.

Looks like it was a good decision, as the guys told me the chef does not understand the word vegetarian! Lunch today saw me on the old chicken salad, it was weird to be eating it after so many years, but I have to admit I am feeling better now than before...or maybe it's the placebo effect.

The challenge is the day a big old slab of steak is pushed in front of me.

Anyway, no skiing as of yet, but hopefully soon. Tonight I'm starting work as 'KPing' aka as the kitchen porter, so basically washing up, which is a nice easy start.

Everybody here is English, it's good to be able to get my feelings across without having to think too hard or try and think of French jokes, but I am missing French a bit.

The housekeeper and director are both French, so I have had some chats with them, and both seem impressed at my level, which always feels amazing to hear.

Other than that I'm all good. No homesickness yet, but then it's early days and I'm just adapting and taking my time. All shall be well.

Really want to get on with some skiing though, until then I will be playing in and staring at the beautiful surroundings outside of my bedroom.

I took the above pictures on a little walk around earlier. It was literally breathtaking, I could definately feel the altitude on the walk back uphill, it took twice as long what with the lack of oxygen up here at 1,670m.

Leave me a nice message.

Off to buy a sim card!

Time to bow out...

Last dinner in Biarritz, moules frites I'm coming for you!!!

Les montagnes?! On y va!!

Spent a glorious weekend in the tiny village of Luz St Sauveur in the Pyrenees chez Frankie.

We trekked around a couple of mountains, witnessed the beautiful Lac de Gaube, and saw Le Vignemale aka the highest mountain in the Pyrenees. Yesterday I took the Holy waters in Lourdes (in a nice and tacky Virgin Mary shaped bottle), and visited the Lourdes museum. Was a lovely break away!

Thanks Frankie!

In other news, I will be back in Blighty this time next week. It's all coming to an end...where has the time gone?!

La route compte

'It's not the destination, but the road you take that matters'

One of the things I learnt in the Bonnat museum, Bayonne.

Half of my heart won't do

Down the road, later on, you will hate that I never gave more to you

Than half of my heart...

GATEAUX BASQUES FOR LIFE

Mmmmm gateaux basques and a beautiful sunset.

Make a happy Sam...

Montrez moi le chemin

So I just re-read the blog I wrote on my second day in France, over two months ago...

I wrote this promise that morning:

'I will stick it out for two months. If, and only if by the 1st November I still feel homesick, unsure and unwelcome, I will leave.’
It’s signed and dated.
Now just to see if I can keep this promise to myself.'

Well, I kept that promise to myself. It's the 7th of November and I am still here, a hell of a lot more sure of myself and confident.

I can remember the feeling when I woke up, my first real day in France, alone.

To think of how far I have come, emotionally, mentally, physically, is quite amazing really. I mean to anyone else it probably seems like nothing, but to put yourself so far out of your comfort zone (at my age) is pretty scary and pretty life changing.

I have about three weeks left in the auberge, then home, which I am really looking forward to...

And then...

The next challenge.

Gotta keep moving forward, never look back with regret.

Black soles

News!
We closed the bar last night, so no more pulling pints for me. Due to the fact that we had to finish the barrel, the beer was freely flowing and everyone ended up slightly smashed, but it was nice. A good, carefree atmosphere.
Today we cleaned the kitchen, which took an age, but I survived with wrinkled hands, black feet and an aching back.
From now until friday I am on 'holiday', luckily the weather is beautiful right now, so I'm predicting a lot of beach time. Yesterday I tried bodyboarding, which isn't as easy as it looks, although I did get wiped out less than with a surfboard mainly because it's harder to get up enough movement.
Friday I believe I'm moving to Biarritz, which is kind of annoying because I have met so many cool people here...but I can always come back to visit I guess, it's only up the road.
It's still early days, having this on repeat is helping a lot...love her voice.






Oh and Han, are you okay? Message me or something, cos we haven't talked in more than three days and I'm worried haha!

'When I hit the bottom'

I scraped my knees while I was praying
And found a demon in my safest haven
Seems like it's getting harder to believe in anything
Than just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts

I wanna know what it'd be like
To find perfection in my pride
To see nothing in the light
I'll turn it off, in all my spite
In all my spite, I'll turn it off

And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're headed for a cliff
And in the free fall
I will realize I'm better off
When I hit the bottom

The tragedy, it seems unending
I'm watching everyone I looked up to break and bending
We're taking shortcuts and false solutions
Just to come out the hero

Well, I can see behind the curtain
(I can see it now)
The wheels are cranking, turning
It's all wrong, the way we're working
Towards a goal that's non-existent
It's not existent, but we just keep believing

And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're headed for a cliff
And in the free fall
I will realize I'm better off
When I hit the bottom

I wanna know what it'd be like
To find perfection in my pride
To see nothing in the light
I'll turn it off, in all my spite
In all my spite, I'll turn it off
Just turn it off
Again, again, again

And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're headed for a cliff
And in the free fall
I will realize I'm better off
When I hit the bottom

Turn It Off -Paramore

Well, I really am alone now. Time to figure out myself, who I am, what I want...
Its fucking hard.

I'm alive.

Cycling in wetsuits in the pouring rain
Cycling up hills to then feel the thrill of going down
Running into the ocean at full speed
Doing my own laundry
Pulling beers
Half surfing, half drowning
Muscles aching from trying so hard
Driving around at night with music on full blast, the wind in my face
Lying in the sun
Thrift store shopping
Random nights out to the 'pub'
Meeting people from around the world
Dancing crazily, no one caring
Discussions
Conversations
Laughing long into the night

I feel free
For the first time in a long time, I feel happy
Here, alone, far from home
I'm actually living.

Get me that ark!

Trafic ferroviaire interrompu, inondations, glissements de terrain, rencontres sportives reportées : les fortes pluies - 200 litres d’eau au m2 en une journée - qui se sont abattues sur le Pays basque hier ont fait de nombreux dégâts. Le trafic SNCF est maintenant rétabli mais la ville de Bayonne porte encore les stigmates des intempéries qui ont balayé la région.
France-info

Basically, Bayonne (ten minutes up the road) is screwed. Most houses are under a foot of water, the ones nearer the river even more.
A guy staying here can't move into his new house now because it's flooded.
The trains have stopped, so the hostel in Biarritz is probably inundated.
It hasn't stopped raining for more than ten minutes in twenty four hours, this rain is heavy, a constant heavy downpour. You can't go out for two seconds without getting soaked.
Yesterday, in bored desperation we bundled in a van and headed to the 'Irish pub' in Biarritz, for hot chocolate whilst it poured down.
I woke up this morning with wet feet to find a nice leak above the end of my bed.
However, this is nothing compared to the tents swimming around outside. Poor guys.

Well now I'm going to try and surf, that's if my surfing friends haven't drowned in their tents during the night.

Joyeux Anniversaire mon amour

So, I have been in emotional land for maybe half an hour.
It's not so much because I miss my family, or want to be home. It's just that it is a very special person's birthday in fifteen minutes (French time) and yeah...sucks to not be there, to be honest.
Butttt what can you do?




So, to my darling Benjamin, HAPPY BIRTHDAY
You are so beautiful and so precious to me. Even from across the ocean I send you a birthday kiss and all the love in the world.
You deserve a brilliant year ahead.
I love you

Tu connais le bucheron?

Yesterday, Ali and I took a thirty minute bus to St Jean de Luz from Biarritz. It’s a really pretty town in proper Basque country which I hope to return to at a later date for a more thorough inspection. It had a traditional atmosphere but not in an old way, in fact most of the shops were very alternative and ‘kitsch’, there were a lot of cool clothes shops which seemed quite reasonable, unlike the shops in Biarritz.
Ali and I wasted an hour or so in search of a decent boulangerie where I could get a pistachio macaroon. But to no avail, we returned to the youth hostel and spent the evening getting to know this French couple who approached Ali at the beach and asked ‘do you like beer’? He decided to bring them back. If it had been me, I would have suspected them, but apparently in France, especially in the south, people are very open and approachable, I hope that I can meet some more people like this during my stay. The conversations we had that night were amusing, mostly about the ‘bucheron’ aka the lumberjack in the guy’s room who snores so badly he sounds like he is choking. The bucheron is a scary looking man with yellowing teeth and a leering smile. Apparently he is after the pretty Brazilians here.
Today I lounged on the beach and am happy to say gained a small tan. I also did some washing which had dried easily in the gorgeous weather here. Overall, a good day.

Wandering around

My stay is progressing nicely enough here in Biarritz. Bar work last night was easy again, and a good way to meet the people staying and have a chat. I’m only working until ten now, so I have more evening time for emailing or chatting to the bar flies.
Slept really well last night after an exhausting day- ended up walking into Biarritz with two guys from the hostel, which took an age (an hour and a half!) we stopped in a cafe to have lunch and then walked around, went to see la Vierge (a statue of the virgin Mary on top of a huge rock), I can’t remember its exact significance from my last visit, but will definitely return on a nicer day to find out. Probably something to do with blessing the port/sailors etc. Ended up bussing back alone to get to work which was interesting, still haven’t worked out how they work exactly, I meant to ask the driver for one to ‘Cinq Cantons’, but apparently my pronunciation was ‘Cinq Chatons’ aka ‘Five Kittens’ oh dear!!
After that exhausting day, I’ve decided to chill out today. Maybe a trip to the supermarket later at most. If the weather is a bit rubbish tomorrow, Ali (hostel guy/Biarritz walking buddy) and I might go try and get to San Sebastien (Spaiiiiin) as I have Sat and Sun nights off!
That’s all for now.
Leave me something nice to read please?

La vie a Anglet

Well, I’m here. Sat in my mini ‘apartment’ writing this.
I arrived yesterday at half ten. Dominique was not at the airport straight away, so a mini panic ensued. Had he received my email? What did he look like? Where was he going to be? Luckily, Biarritz airport is pretty small, so when he eventually arrived (after about fifteen minutes) he found me easily enough.
What ensued was a confusing conversation in the car, when he told me I wouldn’t be staying at Biarritz, but in fact, at Anglet. I don’t know how far it is from Biarritz, but not too far I should imagine, maybe ten minutes by car. I was then handed over to Frederique, his assistant at the station, who took me to Anglet. He seemed quite nice, when I insisted he call me ‘Sam’, it was all ‘Ah Sam, pour les amis!’ har de har etc etc.
However, I have come to realise that the people here are very laidback, so laidback they may as well be asleep. Frederique gave me very little instruction as to what I would be doing, one minute I was meant to be working in the evening, the next I wasn’t. He told me to go relax and someone would come get me, but no one ever came and I lay in this anxious state, worrying if I should sleep or not. I did manage to catch about 20 mins light doze which left me feeling dazed and more tired than before. When I went to ask him some questions (aka, can I have a bin for my room? (!), where do I do my washing?, what would I be doing that night?)He looked me straight in the face and asked ‘Tu veux quelque chose?’ (You want something ?) In a way that made me feel like a needy child.
Maybe I am too sensitive, and they are just used to letting people do their own thing.
I will certainly be doing a lot of my own thing, whilst at Anglet I’m working half 7pm until 1am in the ‘Scottish pub’ downstairs. I have the entire day to myself, to walk around, read, try and make friends with people on holiday who will just leave the week after etc etc. Sigh.
When I woke up this morning, my first thought was ‘I want to go home’. I miss Ben, I miss the reassuring feel of home, I miss my family. I was so certain in my need to go back. But then, I don’t know how, but I battled it out with my insecure self. A mantra of ‘I can do this’ kept ringing in my head. And in the end I had to write myself a promise to solidify this feeling:
‘I will stick it out for two months. If, and only if by the 1st November I still feel homesick, unsure and unwelcome, I will leave.’
It’s signed and dated.
Now just to see if I can keep this promise to myself.

Here are some pictures of my digs, you see it’s not all bad, at least I have my own shower with hot water. I’m going to try and find the supermarket now and buy some small comforts, if it’s sunny later I might even pop down to the beach. One can but try.

Leave me a nice comment??
:)

Merde.

The night before I take my leave of merry old England.
Frankly, I'm scared. I'm half way between terrified and relieved that I'm making the move. I'm excited to see more of the world, to meet new people and to ultimately, become pro at french.
But at the same time, I'm sad to leave my lovely friends:
My Hana, who always makes me smile and doesn't have a bad bone in her body. I'm going to miss popping over your house all the time. Definately coffee and cocktails at xmas!
There is no point listing anyone else as I'm sure no one else reads this.
But Ben, you are the best thing in my life, and I will be missing you and loving you every day we are apart.
You keep me going.

A bientot mes amis!!!

Two weeks, fourteen days, three hundred and thirty six hours, twenty thousand one hundred and six minutes...

In two weeks time, I will have landed in France.
Ready to become French...






J'ai peur.





Is it too late to turn back?

SHAKE IT SHAKE IT SHAKE IT SHAKE IT SHAKE IT

Ah, I wish life was as carefree as this...

Kpop meme (cheers, Han)

I'm bored, and I'm sure it's one of Han's dying wishes for me to do this meme...
LET'S DO THIS!!

What/Who got you into kpop?
Youtube! I literally stumbled on DBSK's 'Balloons' and fell in love with their fluffy animal costumes, cute dancing and unadulterated cheesiness. It made a nice break from the seriousness of life.

Favourite boy group?
DBSK (til I diiiiiiiiie...yeaaahhhh hardcorrreeeee mother fuuuccccka...ahem)

Favourite girl group?
SNSD, though recently I'm enjoying KARA too

Favourite idol group overall?
DBSK

Other groups you love?
Big Bang, SHINee, SS501, BoA, Lee Hyori

Rank your favourites from each of your stated groups above?
DBSK: Yoochunnie!
SNSD: Yoona (v talented actress too)
Big Bang: TOP
SHINee: LEE MINHO ('flamin' charisma' for life)
SS501: Hyunjoong! < all because of mine and Ambre's rabid love for 'Boys Before Flowers'

Favourite pairings from each of your stated groups?
Tbh, I strictly only support Jaeho (DBSK), Yoosu (DBSK), a slight Homin (DBSK- 'I believe in it Han!' hahahaha)
2min- ShinEE is also pleasing.

Favourite idol group pairings?
Jaeho <3

Favourite solo female singer?
BoA < she wins just for her brains!

Favourite solo male singer?
Rain?

Favourite idol overall?
Yoochun, although I also adore Jaejoong

Favourite songs right now?
If?!...- Junsu
Rainy Night- Junsu
9095- DBSK
Eat U up- BoA
Wasurenaide- DBSK
Haru Haru- Big Bang
Rock U- Kara

Favourite fanclub?
Cassieopia & Bigeast (represent, yo)

Favourite entertainment company?
JYP for their fair trade, but SM for the artists

Loved a group your not into anymore?
I used to be a bigger Big Bang fan, though tbh it's DBSK all the way.

First kpop song ever?
DBSK- Balloons ( just watching this video cheers me up)

First kpop music video ever?
Balloons

First kpop love (group/solo)?
DBSK

First variety show (and with who)?
Understanding the Human Body with DBSK - hilarious.

Group you could never get into no matter how much you tried.
I'm having issues with SS501

Any dance you can do (from a MV etc) or want to learn?
Tell Me- Wondergirls although I do forget it

Any songs you memorised the lyrics to?
Stand By U- DBSK

Hottest male in the industry to you?
Rain is too hot to look at. He burns my eyes.

Prettiest female in the industry to you?
Lee Hyori

A person you want to be like/admire the most?
I would love to have DBSK's motivation and work ethic

A song you must/always/usually listen to EVERY day?
I seem to always be listening to 'Doushite...'

Your favourite music video?
Wrong Number/ Rock U

Any of your friends into kpop and who?
Hana (yay!), Aki, Ambre

Have any kpop merchandise?
2 DBSK tour dvds, 3 DBSK albums, 2 DBSK posters (obsessed...me??)

Which group can you see yourself being dedicated to for the rest of your time into kpop?
DBSK. They're in my heart to stay <3

Bored, stolen from Hana :)

1. What time did you get up this morning? half 7, I was down that gym bby
   
2. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls are classier
   
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Bruno...I cringed ALOT.
4. What is your favourite TV show? I don't watch TV
5. What did you have for breakfast? Special K
6. What is your middle name? Louise
7. What is your favorite cuisine? instant ramen :)
   
8. What foods do you dislike? pickles
   
9. What is your favorite crisp flavour? cheese and chive
   
10. What is your favourite CD at the moment? Tohoshinki- The Secret Code! :))))
    
11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? my own two legs
    
12. Favourite sandwich? egg and spring onion
13. What characteristics do you despise? Lack of manners
    
14. Favourite item of clothing? My dream...dark blue trenchcoat <3
    
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Singapore sounds awesome
    
16. What colour is your bathroom? bluuuuuuue
    
17. What colour pants are you wearing? black
    
18. Where would you retire to? A shack up a mountain in Japan. Or...the south of France
    
19. Favourite time of the day? early evening
20. What was your most memorable birthday? My eighteenth, because Ambre got tipsy on champagne and was pretty funny
    
21. Where were you born? Bournemouth, England
    
22. What's the last thing you ate? dinner (veggie curry)
    
23. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? PURPLE
    
24. Favorite flower? yellow roses
    
25. What fabric detergent do you use? lenor?
    
26. Coke or Pepsi? Coke
27. Do you wish on stars? Pssssh no! Tho I do wish on eyelashes
    
28. What is your shoe size? a 9 *blush*
    
29. Do you have any pets? A fat cat
    
30. Last person you talked to on the phone? Kirsty
    
31. What did you want to be when you were little? a marine biologist haha
    
32. What are you meant to be doing now? getting ready for bed...man I'm sleepy
    
33. What do you first notice about someone? Smile (not HANDS, huh HANA??? ;))
    
34. Siblings? My older brother
35. What was your favourite toy as a child? Pubby the panda :) still is
    
36. Summer or winter? summer
    
37. Hugs or Kisses? Hugs/snuggles. Snuggles improve my life.
    
38. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolat
    
39. Who is most likely to respond? Errrr..Ben maybe? aka you better respond *shakes fist*
    
40. Who is least likely to respond? Ben haha
    
41. Living arrangements? avec mes parents
    
42. When was the last time you cried? last week some time
    
43. What is under your bed? old stuffs that need removing
    
44. How many countries have you visited? Four. France, Belgium, Spain and Greece
    
45. In how many cities have you lived? Just Bournemouth
46. Favourite movie of all time? It's so geeky but Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Same Han!!)
    
47. Mountains or beach? Beach
48. The current friend you have known the longest? Emily
    
49. Full names of your potential kids? I have no idea. Although I would like to name my son Peter.
    
50. Usual bedtime?Noooooooww!!

Lacking & loving

Rhodes was amazing. Peaceful time spent with my love, eating, sleeping, healing and recovering from one hectic school year.

I have realised that I haven't written a decent poem/short story in a very long time. In fact, not since I have been in a relationship. Looking back at my past works they are all pretty depressive, there seems to be a strong correlation with unhappiness and my need to write.
That being said, I wouldn't say I was unhappy being single...lonely maybe? I just lacked this incredible contentedness and sense of well being that the last 18 months have given me.

Still, no poems...and for some reason I don't like the idea of writing love poems. It seems so cliched, and I can never convey exactly what I want to say, there are never words significant enough.

I recently read an interview with Simon Pegg in the Guardian, one of the questions was:

What does love feel like?

'Like being a bit sick, in a nice way.'

It's the most accurate description I have read so far.

(photo taken by Ben)

TOHO TOHO DOME

I would seriously give anything to be at Tokyo Dome right now.

Gah!!

*weeps*
You are so beautiful
And you're all mine.
By Monday, anyway...

:(

I feel, how Tare Panda looks...
Glum and squishy.

I had a bad exam.
I watched a bad, bad chinese film.
It's called 'Magic Boy'.
Seriously, NOTHING happens in this film. Don't watch it.

And now I have a Japanese exam...
I wish I was a panda.

Happy place

This post is based on one Han did a while back, a representation of things which make me happy; in picture form:

Strange Meeting

A gust of wind blew the tent flap open, blew rain inside.
'It's going to be bloody wet and bloody cold,' Hilliard said looking down at his groundsheet. They ought to finish their sleep, though he had no idea of the time.
Barton let his arm drop, and moved a pace away. He said, 'I love you, John.'
Hilliard looked at him. 'Yes.' He was amazed at himself. That it was so easy.
'Yes.'

'It's the other which is the real luck- what we have. Thats another matter altogether. Things don't happen like this often in a lifetime.'
'Have you- do you have other friends who- is it the same with anyone else?'
'No.'
Hilliard felt a rush of joy and his mouth was filled up with the words he wanted to say, his head rang with them and he could say nothing.

'You've been here before then?'
'No.' But then he thought that that was not true. he had been here, he had spent hours here with Barton, as they had talked in the apple loft and the tents and dugouts and billets, he could walk down the lane and paths for miles around. He knew it.

Susan Hill- Strange Meeting

By far the best war novel I have read so far. The simplicity of love between Barton and Hilliard is enough to make me choke up just thinking about it. Real human love.
I miss my friends.

Unawareness, Confrontations and Meryl Streep: 'The Country'

I'm not sure whether it's the looming dread of exams which is making me more contemplative than normal, but lately my mind has been nibbling away at a few topics:
1.) Confrontation
I firmly believe there are two types of people in this world, those who are happy to live their lives without much fuss, and those who look for arguments. Now, the latter ones are the ones I have consistently had to eradicate from my life, for eighteen years I have let people in, realised 'Oh dear...they are one of those', and somehow (thankfully) lost them on the way.
These people are what is wrong with our world today, every single dictator in history is, what I like to call a 'Confronter' or 'Negative bastard'.
The only thing worse than a N.B is the person who puts up with their bastarding ways. This may sound a bit strong, I mean, obviously people aren't putting up with Mugabe because they want to...but those people who have a choice, who can step away from the N.Bs but choose not to, for ease of life, they are only helping to breed the hate.
This topic has been running through my mind, as lately I have realised more people than I thought are N.Bs. Not all the time, but there is definately a certain 'confrontational' trait inside them which from time to time springs up and makes them the most unbearable person ever.
I'm sure everybody has there bad days, and has arguments. But lately it has become clear that some are so much worse than others.
Plotting against other people, deliberately finding unnecessary 'faults' in one person, talking behind their backs, not just to friends, but to anyone that will listen.
As a young woman, I know how much women bitch to each other, but sometimes it gets to a point where you step back and realise: 'WOAH. You are an actual negative bastard.'
The problem is that, these people do not mean to be N.Bs, by nature they are not N.Bs. It just springs up from a single problem and becomes horrifying clear to N.B eradicators like myself.
As a general rule, I cannot abide negativity or nasty behaviour which is completely irrational or (honestly) provoked.
When you realise some of your nearest and dearest friends are Negative Bitches (in this case), it's a real smack in the face.
Do I stand back and let them breed this hatred in the hope that it's a one off?
Or do I follow the strict rules of Bastard Eradication and say 'grow up, or shove off?'

An internal dilemma.

2.) Unawareness
In French class today we got discussing about Israel and Palestine and the Taliban rule in Afghanistan. It's these discussions that make me realise how unaware I am.
And it's not just unawareness on the lack of women's rights in Arab countries, society today is unaware about everything that is going on in the world. As our teacher said, not one child in our school really knows about the wars in Sudan, stoning of 'adulterous' women in most Arab countries or even what our country's new budget means.
It was shocking to sit there and realise how ignorant I had been to all of this. How scary to think that adults and children are walking around with their eyes closed to all of the killings, corrupt politics, abuse and terror going on.
Some people say it's pointless watching the news because it's always so depressing. Well, yes. That's the world we live in and we have to accept it.
We have to open our eyes to what's going on, or it will carry on. We have to educate people about these issues, heck, I need to educate myself.

The happy ignorance has officially been broken.

3.)
'Yeah, you know Meryl Streep'
'Oh, the country?'

Not everything about this post is depressive.
Ben, you make me smile everyday.


Let's move to Meryl Streep!

What should I do?

English Translations

You ask me how my day was as if it is same everyday
I say Im okay but you really dont know how I feel
Do you think i'll be okay without you?
Are you okay without me?
The world without you is so hard that I blame myself for still breathing

What should I do? Even now, I live each painful days because of your words
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do
Are you living each day painfully like I am?
You and me

Are we too late? Do we not have a chance?
I still think about you and you might know this
Finally is it this? Are we going to end like this? Is it okay with you?
I dont think I can do it. The love I find with you, I wont find it anywhere even if I die

What should I do? If it isnt you no one else can hold my heart
Please hold me. And you know that even though the whole world tries to
No one can erase your memories. So please hold me

What should I do? Even now, I live each painful days because of your words
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do
Are you living each day painfully like I am?
You and me

Is it too late? Do we not have a chance?
But me, I still think about you, and you might not know.

Makes me cry so much.
Makes me think about going away...and how things would be so much easier if love didn't exist.

Ack! Barbie here I come...

To a dear cousin, on your wedding day

The hair is highlighted, the spray tan is booked.
I'm ready to become the orange goddess I always knew I was destined to become...



Love, your Barbie Bridesmaid

(She had better appreciate this...)

'Flying balls?'

Alas, the frenchies have left back to Franceland.
It's been a week of non stop franglais, misinterpretations and very tiring non-alone time.
For their last night we took them out for drinks, fifteen year old overexcited frenchies and drink does not mix, let me tell you.

Romain: 'Sam, you know where we can buy some flying balls?'
Sam: 'Err...flying balls? Like BB pellets?'
Romain: *confused face* 'Err no, like the ones filled with air'

....

Sam: 'Oh! You mean balloons?!'
Romain: 'Yeah! Where can we get some that fly?'
Sam: 'You mean float...why do you want some?'
Romain: 'To eat the air, the helium and change the voice!'
Sam: 'Err...okay...'

And he was meant to be the comprehensible one.

'V' day

When a gangly man gets in your bed...






Poses with your stuffed animals...

And generally makes you smile like a fool after a tiring day...
Yeah, that's love.

I'm not such a fan of Valentines day, but it was nice this year.
Here's to being a 'loser couple'.

Dear Ruki,

Why must you be so breathtakingly beautiful and perfect? Why? Why?!
Oh my goodness....

Anyway, now that that frustrated Ruki loving rant is over, I'm currently obsessed with the band Paris Motel. They are fronted by the extremely talented Amy May, who apparently plays virtually all the instruments on their debut album 'In the Salpêtrière.' They string arrangements are very melodic and catchy, with a lot of viola, very flowing, kind of fairytale-ish.
I especially love 'My Demeter' and 'After Wanda' made me cry, it's so beautiful.

If you like Beirut, Regina Spektor or even some Delano Orchestra stuff, please check them out.

SNOW?! :O

Actual snow??!

You better believe it.

But England is so useless when it comes to this kind of weather, in Russia this is everyday normality, but here? Oh no, EVERYTHING MUST STOP. No school, no work, no emergency services?

I feel really sorry for a few friends I know, who should be going to an LM.C concert in London today...but, with the state of the trains, it looks like a no-go! Kind of glad now I didn't book a ticket.

Ahhh, even though we are a pathetic nation, I'm not complaining about a snow day :3

Slumdog Millionaire

Film of 2009.
I don't care about the hype, this film deserves all the awards it can get, cos I certainly won't stop raving about it for a long time!
I felt disgust, light-heartedness, fear, hope, tension, stress, love and relief in the space of two hours. I cried like a baby, and laughed from the beauty that is this film.
It's both moving and uplifting. GO AND SEE IT NOW.


Also, this week's lessons:
1.) Never wear new shoes without socks
2.) Always check that toilets flush before using them
3.) Never go to India unescorted.